Ever since I started getting back into my writing and creating content, I have found that my inner perfectionist has come out, and it makes the whole process more stressful than it needs to be. That old thing called impostor syndrome has been there as well.
I do my best to write from my heart while giving the right credit where I need to, but my brain goes a little overboard with this because I don’t always know where I need to give credit and when I don’t, so it’s something I often stress over. “Have I done enough?”
I also have a tendency to over-edit my posts. I can spend hours going back over everything I have written. Though this isn’t inherently bad, sometimes things need to be good enough instead of perfect. Because when is it finished if you’re striving for this impossible goal?
Perfection stifles creativity, it’s often a goal that is impossible to reach. Sometimes things just need to be good enough.
Perfection often leads to obsessive, repetitive thought patterns for me. I often find myself turning on my computer to make last-minute changes. This is often at night when I should be going to bed.
My AuDHD* and anxious mind need me to do it ‘NOW ’; otherwise I will be thinking about it all night, and I won’t sleep. It doesn’t matter if I write it down to remember later; it needs to be done then and there. Ahh, it’s so much more stressful than it needs to be. 😣
I love writing but hitting publish can feel hard sometimes, especially in a world where the internet can be unrelenting and you worry about saying the wrong thing (even unintentionally). Where doing your best isn’t good enough, where everything needs to be perfectly worded so that you don’t accidentally offend someone.
Being vulnerable on the internet makes me feel anxious. Especially when I feel like I need to build up walls to protect myself, but instead I would really like to speak from my heart and let those walls down a little bit.
(I don’t get a lot of comments on my posts (when I have them turned on), and this is something I am totally okay with as it gives me less anxiety, and yet I still feel this unrealistic pressure to have everything perfectly worded. I still feel anxious about putting myself and my content out there. But I want to create things that might be helpful or bring someone else some joy.)
It makes it difficult to be # Authentic when being authentic to who you are means being vulnerable.
When I started writing and creating content again, I did so not having much of a plan. I had ideas for things I might like to do or create, but I tried to just go in without everything mapped out. (Though I do like to have some ideas of what I might post, it can change at any given time. Sometimes I need to pivot and work on something different to change things up a bit).
I chose to do this because for years I just didn’t do very much (a lot of this had to do with my health issues and a lack of inspiration which took a while to get back), I just felt that my inner perfectionist has always needed to have things all planned out perfectly and that often lead to not getting anywhere (and feelings of overwhelm) because things didn’t feel good enough or I procrastinated and couldn’t start in the first place.
So I just chose to start and see where it took me.
I knew that it might be messy as I experimented with different writing styles, but my inner perfectionist has definitely still been a problem.
There have been many times when I’ve tried to do too much (this hasn’t changed; I’m still doing it 😣), but I know that doesn’t work for me; it makes things feel overwhelming. But my AuDHD brain gets obsessive and wants to do all the ideas at once, and it has to do it right ‘NOW’. Like, sure, I can do ‘5 – 10 posts a month for sure, oh and add in a Bi-monthly (every 2 months) subscriber-only newsletter. Yep, I can totally do that’. (This might be a bit of an exaggeration, but this is how my brain thinks sometimes).
Ahh, the answer to that is ‘No You Can’t’. (You meaning me.)
I have to calm my brain down, take a step back and reprioritise. ‘Less is more’, as they say.
Sometimes we set ourselves up to fail by thinking we can take on more than we are capable of, when what we really need to do is less and give ourselves more time. It’s not to say we can’t do things but rather take things slower and prioritise only a few things instead of all the things.
I am now experimenting with ways that allow me to write and create without feeling too overwhelmed or spending too much time in front of my computer screen, and that also allow me to do other hobbies outside of this blog. But I will talk about that more another time.
My messages for you today are:
‘You are doing okay, have trust in yourself that you are doing the right thing and that you are doing enough.’
And
‘You don’t have to do it all, Take a step back and figure out what really matters to you right now.’
It can be so easy to fall into old patterns, and as hard as I try to change the way my brain thinks, I fall into these habits time and time again, but I am trying to get better at pulling myself back and going, ‘Hey, you don’t have to do it all right now; take your time. The only expectations you need to worry about are the ones you set for yourself.’ ‘If you need to take some time away to reset, that is fine. No problem.’
(This is me thinking I have to be constantly doing something, creating or posting something. While also dealing with chronic pain, energy fluctuations and grief.)
I wanted to share this post because I’m sure that other people might be able to relate to the unrealistic expectations I set for myself. Chances are you are also doing better than you think you are, and the high levels of expectations you are setting for yourself aren’t necessary.
I came across these posts recently (after drafting this post in my journal), and I thought they might be helpful. They talk more about perfectionism and give some tips on combating it; I thought they might be helpful to read, so I wanted to share them.
- How to stop being a perfectionist: 6 tips — Calm Blog/ calm.com
- “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good”: 7 tips for perfectionists – calm blog/ calm.com
Calm has paid meditation and lifestyle apps, but their blog is free to read.
Until next time, please don’t be too hard on yourself; you are doing great.
Erin
P.S. This is me posting this hopefully without too many revisions 😊 (Um, this is also me adding I still revised this too many times lol.)
P.S.S I’m keeping the comments closed for now; I may turn them back on later. This just helps me to be able to post without feeling too much extra anxiety at the moment.
*AuDHD means Autism & ADHD. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this before. I was diagnosed as an Adult in my 30’s.
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Featured Image: Background photo taken by me of a beautiful sunset from my backyard. The image was put together in Adobe Express using elements from their asset library (Note paper & Tape Asset). Quote is from this post. Font used: P22 Typewriter from the Adobe Font Library.
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